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Monday, April 11, 2011

And so my journey begins

It looked good on paper, sounded even better in my mind. Applying my self to something new to help combat depression. One day into it and I'm already about to give up. I cant find a way to get things organized enough I can function. So in return the feelings of stress and headaches begin to erupt. Each second ticking by I feel as if I am trapped inside my own body. I want to come out of my shell so to speak, but yet I just cant seem to dig my way out. I look back at my kids's lives and realize just how much I have missed with them. Not that I wasn't there for the special milestone moments but I just didn't see them the way I should have. I have also noticed things changed when my son received the diagnosis of autism. Though he is high functioning, there are still the daily problems that occur with it. I wish just for one minute that I could see the world through his mind, then maybe i could now how to help him more. I know though in order to help him, I need to first help me... that may mean conquering my fears and talking to a doctor, that may mean finding away to focus on being happy again however the method I will find a way to do it. For my family so I can be the girl HE created me to be.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

pure bliss

How often do we have faith like a child? I often sit and think to myself just how amazing God designed us. Look at a baby so helpless yet so needy but a look of worry, a thought of stress never crosses their face. They know that someone will come to them when they need help. That the problems they are facing are only temporary, there is no need to worry. Worry now thats a word that is in my everyday life. From when then next load of laundry needs to go in to what's going to happen when X occurs... Yeah I'm a little lacking faith. Can God handle my problems most definitely but I more often then not are selfish with them.. they are mine! I want to give them up but yet a part of me is still attached to them. I have decided that I am not will not let worry over run my life, I needed a hobby one other than sewing diapers and toys for the kids... other than reading. Sure reading is wonderful but I need something to focus my worry into. I decided that I am going to try my hand at coupons. With every coupon i print/clip and redeem I am going to give 1 item i worry about to God. Now I don't mean I am going to hand over laundry but rather hand over dirty bath towels. So from that day on if I happen to have a load of dirty towels that need washed but my daughter wants to spend the day making cookies I am going to take that oh so precious time and make the cookies... the towels aren't going anywhere but that mother daughter I want you I NEED you time is and quickly for that matter. So not only will I be saving money but I will be working on making me a happy person again.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

A new begining

The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

Such simple words yet such high calling. To be busy at home is something I often struggle with. Over the past 10 months I have been struggling with postpartum depression but since breastfeeding there is nothing I can do to help. I have tried and will continue to try to hand it over to God. To have faith like a child that He can take care of it.

How often I dont even think that my daughters are watching me... watching every move on how to be a women. At such a young age these girls are learning what it means to be a women. To be a future wife and mother. if god allows He has the perfect husband picked out for them. I as their mother have to lead, teach, and show how to be a wife.