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Monday, December 21, 2015

first in a while



   Hey Guys,

  It's been a long time... almost a year since I posted on here, mostly because I feel like a not so well blogger because my grammar stinks, my spelling can stink but for the most part spell check does it's job. All I can think of is all the people that talk about grammar and it being an inadequacy.  Well, for starters I am trying to learn but that isn't going to stop me from trying to type my thoughts out, it does get pretty crazy trying to keep them all in my head. My first restarting post is something that has been on my mind for a few days now, and I really think someone, somewhere needs to understand that they aren't the only ones out there. So here goes nothing:




Ever since I was little maybe 6 I wanted to be a mom, I had all these plans of what I wanted to do, where my kids would go to school, what their names would be, what they would dress like and what I would cook for supper. Well, needless to say only 1 of those things came true, I am a mom to 4 amazing kids and 3 beautiful angels. However, I can't say I am a mom with enthusiasm like I want to, but rather with a love and a sense of failure.  

   The sense of failure probably isn't near as bad to my kids as it is to me with things like  Pintrest, Facebook, Instagram, and blogs motherhood has become something more than a dream its become a something to brag about.  There is that dark cloud that looms, If I dont do... then I must not be good enough. If my kids can't.... then I must not be teaching them enough.

What isn't talked about is those days when you wake up and your heart is aching because you realized you are now in the 10th year of your oldest child's life and all you can remember doing is trying to make a magazine perfect house, a pintrest worthy craft, an other ribbon on the wall from the last baseball game that your kiddo competed it. How on days when the pain from those things bothers you so much you sit in the bathroom and cry.  How on the days when  your life is so crazy and spinning out of control, you serve cereal for supper three nights in a row. Then you pause, breathe, and thankfully look at the mouths full of  cereal with milk dripping down their little chins and behind it you see a smile.  That smile, is one of the most reassuring smiles you could ever see. It is going to be all right, no one was given a manual on how to do this motherhood thing, not one person is going to watch their daughter walk down the aisle and thank pintrest or facebook for giving them the perfect tips on how to raise their kids.  Rather, as you watch your children fly from the nest your going to sit back and remember those days of cereal, sticky floors, toy filled bath tubs, and when you wake up to get a drink in the middle of the night... you may just never feel that one escaping lego on the bottom of your foot again.  Those are the moments that will remain in your memory. 

 I guess what I am saying is through this all your failures aren't as big as they seem, its not time to try to fix what you screwed up but rather change what tomorrow holds. The words you use, the feelings you make your children feel, the things you do together even jamming out to some weird song on the radio while stuck in traffic, those will be the most impactful. Instead of trying to create the perfect childhood, the perfect house, the perfect family.. the one that is pictured in your head that is no where near what its actually like.  Take a moment to breathe, to say yes to one more bed time story, to say I love you an extra time and to offer a few more hugs. 

Dear mama, breathe, relax, know that it's ok, you will mess up, you will lose your temper, you will forget to thaw out dinner, or mail that bill that was due 2 days ago, which might I add now has a perfect coffee stained circle on the envelope. It's all going to be ok, you've got this!


I want you all to know that by no means do I have it all figured out and my life is far from calm and peaceful. Yep, I still get mad and snap at my kids when supper is 30 minutes late and the noodles just won't cook. You will probably find a dirty sock or two on my floor somewhere, and if you stop by for a visit I won't guarantee that the toilet I just scrubbed hasn't been  messed up by kids or that you wont find a floating toy in there :)

Monday, February 16, 2015

Life as I know it.

It all started when my two year old came to me and and said "Mommy, scoop it dump it broke". Well for those of you that have a two year old and their favorite toy breaks beyond repair you know its only a matter of time before one of two things happens. They cry uncontrollably or the seek revenge. Well, my son deemed it best to seek revenge. That revenge was not so pretty. In my case it involved perfect timing for mommy to have to go to the bathroom and older brother watching him. Walking down the stairs after doing so.. I noticed it was quiet, too quiet! Yes, silence is quite frightening when it comes to children. All of a sudden I see that adorable little face, the face that looks at me as says "mommy chocolate milk." Looking at him, then at the floor I noticed little brown foot prints all the way to the kitchen. In the middle of the carpeted floor lay a perfect pile of Hershey syrup. With little dancing foot prints all through it. This was the day that I woke up ready to get some deep pre-spring cleaning done before my son's rummage sale for his medical expenses. Well needles to say that came to a halt when I know have to scrub rugs. Did I mention that my rug scrubber doesn't want to suck any more, well other than the hand attachment. I sat there in the middle of my living room scrubbing up tiny foot prints. Yes, angry but still embracing how little he still really is. Those little feet won't be in my house much longer, before I know it he will be off to college. In my momentary sentimental state, I remember that my scrubber sucks at sucking. Light carpet, cold weather, well if it stays wet for long it will get those nasty "dirty" marks on it which is really just from too much water exposure. So on top of scrubbing my carpet I blew dry the carpet to avoid those little marks. unconventional? Yes but did it work? Yes. It might sound as if I am complaining but in reality, I am not. I am simply writing this to let you know that when your house is a mess, Supper is burning in the oven as you struggle to get the tantruming 3 year old off the floor because she can't have a cookie. Your baby is screaming because he wants to nurse, the phone is ringing, the smoke detector decided to alert you supper was done, your six year old is crying because their homework is too hard and they want to watch their favorite TV show. You think, finally in 15 minutes my husband will be home and I can hide in the bathroom long enough to check facebook or text your friend back from last week. You get that phone call that he is going to be late because of traffic. That's when it happens you break, you snap, you slide down on your refrigerator crying.. Wondering what the heck am I doing? How the heck can these little 4 foot high humans cause so much stress, so much work in a matter of minutes, yet, I love them more than life itself? Well, remember when you are in those moments, those days.. it only lasts for a little while. God, chose you CHOSE YOU to be their mommy. Nothing can replace a mommy's touch or make a kiddo feel better. It's your kisses, your lap at night when they don't feel good, its your smile that they need. God put each one of us here for a reason and when the times get tough call on Him. Let them see you cry, pray, stand firm in the grip of His grace. Life isn't always pretty, It isn't always what you want it to be.. but it's your life, the life God gave you and the life He wants you to live out. Live it out beautifully, live it out bravely, live it out for Him.